By LEON YOUNGBLOOD
“Heavener has been plagued with below-average internet for years.” — Craig Hall
Did you see in last week’s Ledger [Vol. 113, No.30, July 19, 2017, 50 cents], internet provider Windstream may be getting some competition? This is good news, as our editor’s quote expresses the opinions of most Heavener area residents.
As for me, I welcome Dobson Technologies, and hope they will expand beyond serving only businesses and schools. After all, when businesses compete, it’s the consumer who usually benefits.
Windstream seems to have a virtual monopoly on internet service, but, well—things change. In anticipation of future developments, let me go ahead and give the nicknames Windy and Dobs to these prospective web providers.
Meanwhile, regional web-users are still on their own. I use a WiFi thingy to get on the “web,” and a brother-in-law (one of those “computer geeks”) has helped me out with some sort of “amplifier” and helpful advice. We still have reception issues, but his expertise has certainly been appreciated and beneficial at the Briar Circle shack.
Which is one reason we’re often visited by Jimmy Kimmie, and Hollingsworth, whom we call “Hal,” because the feminine abbreviation “Holly” would be burdensome for a four-year old boy to grow up with.
This time, they arrived as usual, on their grandfather’s ATV, Kimmie holding their laptop. There were the usual greetings, the “happy to see yous” and such, and then, “Can we use your internet?”
Of course they could. If I put the WiFi contraption in the right place, there is an almost six-foot square area that will connect web-worldly. Their grandparents did not have this benefit at their cabin, but we love the kids, and enjoy their visits for any reason.
The procedures were the same. First, they plugged everything in, turned everything on, tried to get online—it didn’t work. So, little Hal’s head was wrapped with aluminum foil. He was placed near the WiFi box, and—it didn’t work.
Middle sibling Kimmie tried next. She used the foil helmet, she had jewelry to entice the ephemeral waves—it did not work. After several futile minutes, she said, “Jimmy, it’s up to you.”
Young Jimmy sighed. “I almost got kilt the last time I did it!” he said. But web-addiction overpowered him. He requested (with no blood relation), “Uncle, haul out that chair.”
“That chair” was the one I was sitting in. I relinquished it, and Jimmy took hold of its armrests.
“That ain’t working this time, Jimmy,” his sister said, after several minutes.
Among other talents, the young man is a remarkable contortionist. The boy positioned his left leg under his chin while grabbing the opposing elbow with his right hand. Kimmie said, “Wait! Uh, no. No, it’s nothing. You’ll have to climb up on the chair.”
This always scared me, but it had been done many times. I cautioned, “Be careful!” as Jimmy assumed a new position, now on my seat’s seat. Another few minutes, and Kimmie advised, “Jimmy, you gotta stand on your head.”
And he did! Balancing on the armrests, the boy inverted himself, and, from sister: “There! There’s—wait, never mind. It ain’t Facebook. The President’s talking to Elvis and Vladimir Putin. Are we going to be in trouble with the gover’ment again? Jimmy, try biting your foot. Don’t move anything else, though.”
A few more contortions, and Kimmie reported, “It just ain’t working! You were always the right antenna before! What’s wrong?”
Jimmy took his elbow out of his mouth and responded, “I don’t know.” But that moment, I saw the problem. “Jimmy,” I asked, “where are your braces?”
“The dentist took ‘em out,” Jimmy said. Then it dawned on him and he asked, “Is that why we can’t get anything?”
“I suspect so,” I said. “You haf’ta have the right antenna. This time, Jimmy, it apparently isn’t you.”
The kids were disappointed, but their story may help with media service seekers outside Briar Circle.
If you need to get connected to something, find a kid with contortionist abilities and braces, put him on the roof, and maybe you will be lucky.
Meanwhile, I’m looking forward to the “blind date” coming up between Dobs and Windy. I wish them the best; but I wish the bester for their customers. It’s about time antenna kids like Jimmy get a break.
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